Well, its 2009 and I am back blogging from a well deserved and desperately needed vacation. So what do I encounter upon my return? The same old depressing catastrophe that is the Black American Muslim marriage. I will admit up front that I am emotionally exhausted and extremely cynical about this issue, so please view this post in that context.
Political scientist Charles Catchings wrote a beautifully moving and powerful commentary on the disgraceful treatment being meted out to Black Muslim women by a deceitful class of lecherous Black Muslim men. Now it seems these “brothers” have seized upon a new tool in their libidinous bag once the prerogative only of the Shi’a, the infamous mut’a or “temporary” marriage. Apparently this is all the rage. The tried and true three month (or three week) “stranger-marriage” is still with us of course, its just that the Muslim womanizers have stumbled upon a wonderful “legal” device with which to shield their dirt. Permit me to share a story here.
About a month ago, I received a distraught phone call from a Muslim sister who had AGREED to enter one of these so-called mut’a marriages. Because I happened to know the guy she married (or mut’aed), the sister thought that I should “do something” to “warn the community” about the trail of tears he’s been leaving. She went on to say how she’d been cajoled into the mut’a arrangement after meeting the man online, but was assured it would be made permanent once he was “able to divorce his other wife and get his affairs in order”. She was unusually frank in relating to me how this man had his complete fill of her sexually (to use her words, “he went through me like water”) only to vanish when he was done.
But before he rolled out she claims to have suffered massive hemorrhaging, the result of a miscarriage that all the stress and humiliation had caused her. She called all around looking for the brother but to no avail. Even the boy’s parents, whom she met once or twice, were covering for him. When he finally did re-appear she was treated to a rant about how he didn’t “need her drama” or want her anymore. She ended up declaring that the brother must be stopped because not only is he a serial womanizer, but has mental problems as well.
So there you have it, another incredible tale from the Muslim crypt. Did I feel badly for the sister after hearing her story? Of course I did. Did I want to heed her cry and reveal the identity of this particular culprit and his deceitful ways? Initially I did, but on second thought I changed my mind. The reason? Going after marriage criminals is not only useless, but also thankless.
At the end of the day, as long as the proportion of Muslim women to men remains so frightfully high, the mut’as, stranger-marriages, misyar marriages, right-hand possessions, and simple fornication and adultery will not only continue, but I believe increase. That’s why I’m out of the “warning” business when it comes to this issue, because sisters involved in these hook-ups (because that’s what they are) are not as innocent as they want us to believe.
The decision a women makes to lay down with a man is an extremely personal one, and once made no one can stop her from doing it; not her father, brother, so-called wali, no one. And that’s the bitter truth.
I had intended to write a detailed and scholarly article on the history of mut’a and all of the controversy surrounding it, but thankfully I was talked out of it. I say thankfully because it is pointless. It is also pointless to “warn” the “community” about who exactly these womanizers are because the women are the ones creating the demand side of the equation. Does any blogger have the power to stop a women from becoming intimate with a man she met on the Internet and agreed to “marry” temporarily? I don’t think so. No scholarly dissertation is going to halt that.
The bottom line is, no one appreciates it either. For the past year I have been trying my best to “warn” the “community” about shady characters among the Muslims, and all it has caused me is grief. I even went after a well known radical Imam for soliciting prostitutes and no one lifted a finger in support of it. In fact, the Muslims are trained to support corrupt Muslims and to hound and abuse the whistle blowers. “Cover your brother’s faults” is the most beloved hadith of the criminals and their supporters, and is consistently thrown in the face of the “warners” every time they attempt to address the corruption.
As I said earlier, I don’t even pretend to have any answers on this one. All I will say is that we are all grown-ass people, and no one should look to anyone to “protect” the “community” because first of all there is no one to do it, and second of all, the fools who’ve tried were never supported. It’s time to use common sense and “do for self”. Everybody is on their own.